Check Your Fart Rate!

After my work is done I'm going to start a nonprofit that helps people understand their carbon footprint in terms of a more comprehensible greenhouse emission.  I mean, when everyone you know is releasing tons of carbon emissions through their driving, shopping and eating choices, it must be hard to see that as the mistake that it is.  But if you could hear the sounds of those emissions, you'd understand what's really going on.  So, without farther adoo, let's calculate our carbon fartprints!

.	First, calculate your carbon footprint in tons/year at:	Let's convert that into tiny 35mL farts.	That's still such a big number that it's kind of abstract.	Still having a hard time understanding your greenhouse emisisons rate? No problem! Let's convert it to Seconds Per Fart.
.	http://www.nature.org/greenliving/carboncalculator/index.htm	We'll just multiply by the 48138639 mililiters in a ton, and then divide by 35.	Let's divide it by the 525 948.766 minutes in a year.	We'll just divide the sixty seconds in a minute by your FPM rate, to get your SPF.
.
.	Let's say your score is:	Now your farts/year equivalency is*:	Here's your external farts/minute rate.	Note that even though we're calling this rate, SPF, greenhouse gases are not a sunscreen. They're actually the exact opposite!
.	1	1375389.68571429	2.61506400361872	22.9439891019769
.	2	2750779.37142857	5.23012800723744	11.4719945509884
.	3	4126169.05714286	7.84519201085616	7.64799636732563
.	4	5501558.74285714	10.4602560144749	5.73599727549422
.	5	6876948.42857143	13.0753200180936	4.58879782039538	The average person on earth should say "excuse me" once every four and a half seconds.
.	6	8252338.11428571	15.6903840217123	3.82399818366282
.	7	9627727.8	18.305448025331	3.27771272885384
.	8	11003117.4857143	20.9205120289498	2.86799863774711
.	9	12378507.1714286	23.5355760325685	2.54933212244188
.	10	13753896.8571429	26.1506400361872	2.29439891019769
.	11	15129286.5428571	28.7657040398059	2.08581719108881
.	12	16504676.2285714	31.3807680434246	1.91199909183141
.	13	17880065.9142857	33.9958320470434	1.76492223861361
.	14	19255455.6	36.6108960506621	1.63885636442692
.	15	20630845.2857143	39.2259600542808	1.52959927346513
.	16	22006234.9714286	41.8410240578995	1.43399931887356
.	17	23381624.6571429	44.4560880615183	1.34964641776335
.	18	24757014.3428571	47.071152065137	1.27466606122094
.	19	26132404.0285714	49.6862160687557	1.20757837378826
.	20	27507793.7142857	52.3012800723744	1.14719945509884
.	21	28883183.4	54.9163440759931	1.09257090961795
.	22	30258573.0857143	57.5314080796119	1.0429085955444
.	23	31633962.7714286	60.1464720832306	0.997564743564213
.	24	33009352.4571429	62.7615360868493	0.955999545915704
.	25	34384742.1428571	65.376600090468	0.917759564079076
.	26	35760131.8285714	67.9916640940868	0.882461119306804
.	27	37135521.5142857	70.6067280977055	0.849777374147292	The average American should say "excuse me" five times in every four seconds.
.	28	38510911.2	73.2217921013242	0.81942818221346
.	29	39886300.8857143	75.8368561049429	0.791172037999203
.	30	41261690.5714286	78.4519201085616	0.764799636732563
.	31	42637080.2571429	81.0669841121804	0.740128680708932
.	32	44012469.9428571	83.6820481157991	0.716999659436778
.	33	45387859.6285714	86.2971121194178	0.695272397029603
.	34	46763249.3142857	88.9121761230365	0.674823208881673
.	35	48138639	91.5272401266552	0.655542545770768
.	36	49514028.6857143	94.142304130274	0.637333030610469	If you're up here, you must be very wealthy, and unlike most Americans, you have the ability to change where many people score. Not just yourself.
.	37	50889418.3714286	96.7573681338927	0.620107813566943	Let your employees work from home a few days. Improve the vegetarian options in their cafeteria. Subsidize public transportation. Reduce mandatory travel. Etc.
.		*note that this doesn't count your actual farts. But you're welcome to add those in. The average is 500mL/day, or 182,500 ml/year.

Actually, the most interesting comparison might be hidden in that asterisk.  If an ordinary person passes 182,500mL of greenhouse gas per year, then each ton of emissions represents the FartStrength of seven men.  If you emit around 7 tons of greenhouse gas per year, you can congratulate yourself that your emissions are way  lower than those of most Americans.  You can also congratulate yourself that you fart with the strength of fifty men (or two over-crowded classrooms).  If your emissions total 14 tons per year, you fart with the strength of a hundred men (you don't go to the assembly.  You are the assembly).  At that point, you might want to stop congratulating yourself and take a look at how to change your behavior.

That's all.

Happy Belated Earth Day!