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| First, calculate your carbon footprint in tons/year at: | Let's convert that into tiny 35mL farts. | That's still such a big number that it's kind of abstract. | Still having a hard time understanding your greenhouse emisisons rate? No problem! Let's convert it to Seconds Per Fart. | ||
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| http://www.nature.org/greenliving/carboncalculator/index.htm | We'll just multiply by the 48138639 mililiters in a ton, and then divide by 35. | Let's divide it by the 525 948.766 minutes in a year. | We'll just divide the sixty seconds in a minute by your FPM rate, to get your SPF. | ||
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| Let's say your score is: | Now your farts/year equivalency is*: | Here's your external farts/minute rate. | Note that even though we're calling this rate, SPF, greenhouse gases are not a sunscreen. They're actually the exact opposite! | ||
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| 1 | 1375389.68571429 | 2.61506400361872 | 22.9439891019769 | ||
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| 2 | 2750779.37142857 | 5.23012800723744 | 11.4719945509884 | ||
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| 3 | 4126169.05714286 | 7.84519201085616 | 7.64799636732563 | ||
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| 4 | 5501558.74285714 | 10.4602560144749 | 5.73599727549422 | ||
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| 5 | 6876948.42857143 | 13.0753200180936 | 4.58879782039538 | The average person on earth should say "excuse me" once every four and a half seconds. | |
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| 6 | 8252338.11428571 | 15.6903840217123 | 3.82399818366282 | ||
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| 7 | 9627727.8 | 18.305448025331 | 3.27771272885384 | ||
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| 8 | 11003117.4857143 | 20.9205120289498 | 2.86799863774711 | ||
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| 9 | 12378507.1714286 | 23.5355760325685 | 2.54933212244188 | ||
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| 10 | 13753896.8571429 | 26.1506400361872 | 2.29439891019769 | ||
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| 11 | 15129286.5428571 | 28.7657040398059 | 2.08581719108881 | ||
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| 12 | 16504676.2285714 | 31.3807680434246 | 1.91199909183141 | ||
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| 13 | 17880065.9142857 | 33.9958320470434 | 1.76492223861361 | ||
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| 14 | 19255455.6 | 36.6108960506621 | 1.63885636442692 | ||
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| 15 | 20630845.2857143 | 39.2259600542808 | 1.52959927346513 | ||
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| 16 | 22006234.9714286 | 41.8410240578995 | 1.43399931887356 | ||
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| 17 | 23381624.6571429 | 44.4560880615183 | 1.34964641776335 | ||
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| 18 | 24757014.3428571 | 47.071152065137 | 1.27466606122094 | ||
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| 19 | 26132404.0285714 | 49.6862160687557 | 1.20757837378826 | ||
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| 20 | 27507793.7142857 | 52.3012800723744 | 1.14719945509884 | ||
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| 21 | 28883183.4 | 54.9163440759931 | 1.09257090961795 | ||
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| 22 | 30258573.0857143 | 57.5314080796119 | 1.0429085955444 | ||
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| 23 | 31633962.7714286 | 60.1464720832306 | 0.997564743564213 | ||
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| 24 | 33009352.4571429 | 62.7615360868493 | 0.955999545915704 | ||
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| 25 | 34384742.1428571 | 65.376600090468 | 0.917759564079076 | ||
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| 26 | 35760131.8285714 | 67.9916640940868 | 0.882461119306804 | ||
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| 27 | 37135521.5142857 | 70.6067280977055 | 0.849777374147292 | The average American should say "excuse me" five times in every four seconds. | |
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| 28 | 38510911.2 | 73.2217921013242 | 0.81942818221346 | ||
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| 29 | 39886300.8857143 | 75.8368561049429 | 0.791172037999203 | ||
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| 30 | 41261690.5714286 | 78.4519201085616 | 0.764799636732563 | ||
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| 31 | 42637080.2571429 | 81.0669841121804 | 0.740128680708932 | ||
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| 32 | 44012469.9428571 | 83.6820481157991 | 0.716999659436778 | ||
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| 33 | 45387859.6285714 | 86.2971121194178 | 0.695272397029603 | ||
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| 34 | 46763249.3142857 | 88.9121761230365 | 0.674823208881673 | ||
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| 35 | 48138639 | 91.5272401266552 | 0.655542545770768 | ||
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| 36 | 49514028.6857143 | 94.142304130274 | 0.637333030610469 | If you're up here, you must be very wealthy, and unlike most Americans, you have the ability to change where many people score. Not just yourself. | |
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| 37 | 50889418.3714286 | 96.7573681338927 | 0.620107813566943 | Let your employees work from home a few days. Improve the vegetarian options in their cafeteria. Subsidize public transportation. Reduce mandatory travel. Etc. | |
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| *note that this doesn't count your actual farts. But you're welcome to add those in. The average is 500mL/day, or 182,500 ml/year. |
| Actually, the most interesting comparison might be hidden in that asterisk. If an ordinary person passes 182,500mL of greenhouse gas per year, then each ton of emissions represents the FartStrength of seven men. If you emit around 7 tons of greenhouse gas per year, you can congratulate yourself that your emissions are way lower than those of most Americans. You can also congratulate yourself that you fart with the strength of fifty men (or two over-crowded classrooms). If your emissions total 14 tons per year, you fart with the strength of a hundred men (you don't go to the assembly. You are the assembly). At that point, you might want to stop congratulating yourself and take a look at how to change your behavior. | That's all. | Happy Belated Earth Day! |
